Happy Thanksgiving

Here are some more photos. As you can see his little eye booboo is healing nicely. On the potty he let's me know it's time to get going...

8 more days then I am able to bring him back with me.

He is just amazing. A caregiver/nurse came by yesterday with pictures of her daughters and family. As I looked at them, E played peacefully with his toys for a good 15 minutes or so! Then he took my hands to help him get onto two legs, turned towards me and wrapped his arms around me as I held him until she was finished showing me her photos.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I'm so thankful.

It's so interesting to me when I look at this whole experience...my tolerance level has changed...my perspectives on things have changed...I have enjoyed incredible frustration, sadness, anger and happiness in such short periods of time...

Stas is by far turning out to be a much better organizational leader than I am...I am realizing I have a nurturing side and love to cook...we compliment each other so well and have so much support back home, it literally warms my heart. And I have such a hard time believing that this exists in my life...it's new. Maybe it's always been there (I've attracted some amazing people throughout my life), but I know my focus was on what I felt I wanted/needed in my life, rather than what was actually in my life.


My energy has new focus and I'm so happy to start our new life soon with this experience having such an impact on how I love and live.


Throughout this process I've asked myself: knowing what I know now, having experienced all of this so far, would I have done this? I have yet to answer anything other than ABSOLUTELY without question!

My life seems to be full of incredible extremes...I wouldn't change it. The reality makes me feel and evolve....then fight harder for what I believe in...both in work and life.

November 15, 2008, 7:13AM (8:13PM 11-14-08 EST)

First of all:

HE SIGNED THE RELINQUISHMENT!

He had a few requests:
He wants to make sure, when appropriate, Ermek knows that this was the hardest decision he’s ever made and that he simply could not give him the life he feels Ermek deserved.
He wants updates on E’s growth.
He wants us (his new family) to know he is not a bad man.

OK….as I NOW know, anything can happen, but I’m so happy that this hurdle is over. Of course, he can change his mind in an instant and appeal the courts decision (should the judge grant me the adoption) in the 15 days following….BUT, the great news is, I’ll have court and we are still moving forward.

Thank you!

So Friday was the walking ceremony. Oh it was so adorable. Some of the big kids got all dressed up, sang their National Anthem , recited verses and danced for us all.

Ermek was especially proud. He, for the first time, just let go of my hand and wanted to walk with the big kids and be social. He shared his candies (which he can’t eat, but enjoyed holding them) and was absolutely charming with the entire crowd.

The traditional vests they use are the property of the Babyhouse, but the nurse in charge came over after the teacher collected the vests, and gave Mr. Ermek his vest as a gift. It was a special day!

And the holes in his socks? I KNOW! They put those on him, but it’s ok, I know they were rushing around trying to get the kids fed and dressed for this event. I was just happy I could put on the overalls and little Hawaiian print shirt…

I want to get this posted before you all go to sleep. I’ll try to write later.

THANK YOU!!!

November 14, 2008, 9:58AM (10:58PM 11-13-08 EST)

The moon is bigger today, heading your way. It’s a full moon.

Now, as we learned in physics, all bodies have a mass, and all masses have a gravitational force associated with that mass. F=ma

The moon is the largest mass we have closest to Earth. It has incredible gravitational pull which is so powerful that it moves our oceans. We are made up mostly of water.

Thank you all for your thoughts. I feel it in the Universe. The biggest power is E himself...and based on yesterday, I think he felt all of your prayers and thoughts.

Yesterday, I almost didn’t have it in me to see him. Stas said 3 words: "go. love him.", so I went and had the best day ever with him. He knew! He was so lovey, constantly looking at all my pictures of our families, gobbling up my kisses, showing me how good he is by playing with all his toys.

What was a first yesterday was when I took him off the potty to change him. He didn’t want to be changed, but just wanted to hug me and be in my arms as we looked out the window. Finally, I needed to get him dressed and we went to the visitation room since the gym was locked.

I don’t know how it is with girls, but little boys sure know how to connect with their moms.

E knows.

He’s all boy…so sensitive…so intuitive…so damn cool…and oh so wonderful.

A new family came to the visitation room where we were yesterday with their liaison (Susan’s agency) and I invited them to play with us. E was shy at first, then he’d walk to me (knowing he had an audience), so proud of himself. Then he’d recognize a photo album and start flipping through theirs. They had stacking cups too, so he’d start to play with theirs. Their little boy just moved downstairs to the big-kid room where E is, where Leeza was and where Kairat (Kelly/Doug) ended up.

Today is an important day.
Well, for one, we are having a BIG ceremony for the 3 ‘walkers’ at the babyhouse. I’ll bring a torte, of course, and a cute outfit for E. Anya will also be celebrated as well as another kid.

Z is meeting with the birthfather this morning in Rudney….he’ll be going to the judge this afternoon here in Kostanai.

If he doesn’t sign the relinquishment, the judge may cancel my court on the 19th. If he does sign the relinquishment, she still can cancel court if she feels he will be an issue. If he signs and she keeps the court date, and assuming she grants the adoption to me, there is a 15 day mandatory waiting period. During this time, anyone can contest or appeal the decision…including the birthfather.

This man invited Z for tea yesterday. She said although he didn’t promise anything, he was nice and genuinely concerned about E. She, of course, made me feel better, and I slept last night. She said that he wanted me to know that he is not a crazy bad man and that he doesn’t want money. Then she said he even paid.






This trip has been and is one with which I will carry for the rest of my life. It has opened my eyes to some things I’ve chosen not to see before. Not only am I so proud to be an American (this part has not changed – it’s just been highlighted yet again), but something else happened & is happening to me here. I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s like I have found a key & picked it up…a key I’ve never seen before…

…I don’t know how to describe it. You can talk about this ‘key’, you can analyze and study it…but for it to be real, in your hand, you can never find it that way…that's about all I could be sure of regarding this...

…

Thursday, November 13, 2008 9:10AM (10:10PM 11-12--8 EST)

It is 8:55am, November 13, 2008

My apt window faces west. The moon looks full and is setting in my view as I sit and write. It is big and yellow.

I didn’t sleep last night, but I watched the moon come into view and head towards my country to light up your sky tonight.

The last several weeks I have isolated myself in my apartment, going out only to purchase food and internet cards. I can’t even tell you what I do during this time, but I look at the clock a lot.

Mornings are good, for the most part as I look forward to seeing my boy. It’s the afternoons and evenings that seem to fade into a timewarp black hole.

I don’t feel like going outside, but I wouldn’t say I’m depressed. I simply feel helpless in this process and the only thing I could do is think about my little boy and hope he is napping peacefully and playing with his friends.

I have court, I hope on the 19th. I may meet the birthfather who seems to want to meet me. He has been uninvolved, through her pregnancy, through E’s birth and the 16 months of his life. E’s 16 month birthday is the 19th.

I don’t know what this means. This type of thing has not happened in the history of my agency. No one really knows what to do, but everyone is seeking the guidance of the people they know who may be able to help us in this.

So, I wait. It’s 9:10am and the moon has left.

Pray.

Pray for us…

Whether you pray to God, Allah, Buddha, the Goddess Diana…rely on your Tarot cards, Numerology or Mexican Jumping Beans…please put on your lucky socks…

We are seeing some resistance. The birthmother was so happy that E will have a good family who is adopting him. Her parents also signed another relinquishment. Now this guy who says he’s the birthfather is causing a problem ever since he found out E is going to America.

He is lying, stating that the babyhouse would never let him see his son…but at the same time NOW, saying he knows his rights and he could have his sister adopt him. Now why would he do this after his so called son has been in an orphanage for over a year?!

What is going on here is either a man who is looking for money or a confused angry soul who is simply trying to stop this process without wanting to adopt this boy, for no good reason but to show that he is in control.

He was aggressive with the judge, called Z several times and was aggressive with her today when he met with her. He also didn’t like how the judge spoke to him.

I think each of us have heard this low-class trash with no substance but all threat talk before.

I am sick over this.

He seems a bit crazy.

Please throw out to the Universe whatever you have…and I’ll do everything I can with everything I have on my end of the world…

Ermek doesn’t deserve this…

Friday this guy and his sister (maybe?) will meet with the judge who asked him to come back. He also knows my court is the 19th…and did not like it when the judge told him this is a closed hearing and he is not allowed. Something tells me he’ll be there anyway…


As you know, I recently read the Kite Runner. This book is about integrity and loyalty. The main character made awful decisions throughout his life which hurt others...finally in the end trying to make it right. Is he a bad man? When you hurt others because of your pride just to "win" or prove a point...is it right?

November 10, 2008

The one picture is from Saturday and the rest of Mr. Happy are from today.

We spent a while on the potty trying so hard to go "kakl"...but to no avail. We had a new little guy who was old enough to come downstairs today and join the group. Ermek did NOT like seeing the food come out for this little guy, but we took off quickly for the gym and enjoyed the rest of our visit tremendously. He snuggled first in my arms for a good 20 minutes recovering from what he thought was his meal taken away from him...then he happily played with his toys.

The potty was a social event today...caregivers and nurses came in to hang out and he loved that. He even joined in on the "peek-a-boo" games, kind of. But Anya, of course had the most fun with those games.

The head nurse is thrilled with his growth. They have a special ceremony event for new walkers...once I experience it i'll be able to write about it. Something about cutting a rope and celebrating him walking on his own...or so I hear...

Great day!

November 4, 2008 7:10AM (8:10PM 11-3-08 EST)

November 1, 2, 3


October 31, Ermek took his first steps by himself. So I decided to bring cake (this is what you do…bring a torte for any occasion) and a cute outfit I brought from home.

I simply could not get a good picture of him in his little outfit, but oh my word…he looked so cute in his little button down cowboy stitch shirt and plaid cargo pants! And he knew it! Mr. cool guy mastering the cups, then concentrating on his new legs…and in the third picture, his techie side.

Pictures 4 & 5 are of him playing with my rings…he knows they’re “mata’s” rings and is very careful with them, as he is when I allow him to go near the boom box and place his hand on the speaker.

Pictures 5 & 7 were from yesterday. I still couldn’t get some pictures of him walking, but you can see how tall he is.

I hope to catch some of the incredible expressions on camera…but now when he sees the red light come on the camera, he becomes pre-occupied with that.

Saulia (sow-lia), the head nurse came in to where we were playing in the music room and he walked to her for the first time. She was so happy, she teared right up and threw him into the air….oh my word…he was BEAMING! Everyone is so excited.

This little guy is opening right up! The moment I now lie down on my back, he searches for my feet or leg…and ‘tickles’ me. Loooves to see me giggle. He is testing his cause and effect and remembering what does what. As with the rings, I make a ‘no’ noise, like ‘eh’ or ‘nyet’ or ‘no’ when he puts them to his mouth. He’ll move them away, then back (completely watching what I will do), at which point I’ll say it again…and he’ll move them away. Only then to tease and move them close to his mouth, but for just a second and smile…then I smile; now he knows & moves on to something else. I’m waiting for that testing to become a little braver…but for now, he seems to respect the boundaries. I’ll take it!

Oh, I’m having so much fun with him!

I gave the blue sweatpants outfit with the yellow truck on it, to the babyhouse since it is now too small for E. They were so thankful and immediately put it on Anya.