Thursday, November 13, 2008 9:10AM (10:10PM 11-12--8 EST)

It is 8:55am, November 13, 2008

My apt window faces west. The moon looks full and is setting in my view as I sit and write. It is big and yellow.

I didn’t sleep last night, but I watched the moon come into view and head towards my country to light up your sky tonight.

The last several weeks I have isolated myself in my apartment, going out only to purchase food and internet cards. I can’t even tell you what I do during this time, but I look at the clock a lot.

Mornings are good, for the most part as I look forward to seeing my boy. It’s the afternoons and evenings that seem to fade into a timewarp black hole.

I don’t feel like going outside, but I wouldn’t say I’m depressed. I simply feel helpless in this process and the only thing I could do is think about my little boy and hope he is napping peacefully and playing with his friends.

I have court, I hope on the 19th. I may meet the birthfather who seems to want to meet me. He has been uninvolved, through her pregnancy, through E’s birth and the 16 months of his life. E’s 16 month birthday is the 19th.

I don’t know what this means. This type of thing has not happened in the history of my agency. No one really knows what to do, but everyone is seeking the guidance of the people they know who may be able to help us in this.

So, I wait. It’s 9:10am and the moon has left.